I wish to share a reality – for me, anyway – that I am continuing to deal with. When a person is alone – like me – with little accountability to anyone, it is very easy to lie. There. I said it.
I’m not sure if this is a problem for others who are alone. I haven’t talked to anyone about it and no one has talked with me about it.
The secondary problem with being tempted to lie about things is to wonder more if other people are telling the truth. The problem of lies seems to further develop into a case of mistrust – is everyone else telling false stories, too?
Here’s the thing. There isn’t anyone who knows my schedule, finances, plans, motivations, private thoughts, or hardly anything else about me. I don’t tell them and they don’t ask. It might seem nice to some of you (I wondered in the past what it would be like to be alone) to be unaccountable to anyone, but for me, I am finding it brings up more than the obvious issues that might be associated with being alone. I would have never thought.
Yes, I have lied and I feel bad about it. I don’t think anyone has been hurt somehow but this makes it even harder – if there aren’t any apparent victims, then it makes it easier to lie? See what I mean?
It’s like a disease. I acknowledge my weakness and I am working on it, praying about it, and hoping that I won’t lose the trust of my family, friends, and acquaintances.