Oh how I wish sometimes that things were black and white. As a person of faith, I think the only thing that truly is black and white is the answer to the question “Am I faithful to God or am I not faithful to God?” I don’t think there is a gray answer to this question.
But when it comes to a relationship, are we ever truly on safe ground when we say absolutely positively that something is the way it is? Of course, we spend much of our lives looking for relationships premised on honest fairness, open values, and transparent sensitivities. And, thank goodness, there are some people who are generally like this – most of the time. I say mostly because we all are fallible and, in my experience, those who claim the high ground – either implicitly or explicitly – seem to be the ones who often fall the hardest with the biggest splash or fall the furthest with the loudest screams.
And how often do we look for innocence? I think that except in young children, there is not innocence. Saying this, even the “innocent” party in a relationship can be held culpable in some way or for some reason. Along these lines, we sometimes like to play the ignorance or “didn’t know” card – the victimization thing. Now I want to be careful here. There are victims in this world due to circumstances beyond their control. Yes, there are legitimate victims so don’t get me wrong.
But I prefaced my discussion as being within the constraints of a relationship. And in this area of humanness, I think that ignorance is more often the cause for relational failure and less often an appropriate excuse. Ignorance is not bliss in relationships.