I’m starting to go for it a bit more now. There doesn’t seem as much to lose and why not push and find out what happens? I’m not sure if it’s just me and my situation or if it’s my age or if it is something else but – more and more – I’m thinking that if I don’t push and find out if or if not then I will never know and what is the point of wondering if I have never tried?
I will say that, so far, there have been a few more ups and downs in moods and feelings but that comes with the territory, right? I’ve almost always been the safe, trusted, enduring, patient planner who is usually organized, in control, and ready for anything. Well, it seems a bit boring now, I think. And other than collecting up a bunch of personal equity, I’m not real sure what the point has been.
Don’t panic. I’m not planning to row a boat to Brazil with six women for two years or anything. But seriously. I have more time now to consider activities and relationships and, frankly, I don’t want to waste as much time as I did before on activities and relationships that seem more a sinkhole and less an investment. It isn’t as much about selfishness as it is about availing myself to opportunities and experiences that – for one reason or another – I’ve never experienced.
I’m going to press the accelerator slightly harder, nudge the horse a bit more, and attempt swimming upstream further. Let’s see what happens.