Adjusting

rtrementIt’s been two weeks today since my last day to have officially worked for a living. All I can say is that I am still adjusting – it’s going slower than I thought it would go. It’s not that it is bad but it is truly different.

When I run errands or enjoy a lunch or dinner with a friend, I always feel like it is Saturday and that now I need to get ready for Sunday. Funny. After a few moments it hits me that it is only, say, Wednesday and there are another three days left in the week.  I think this is the most common malady that I am suffering from – losing count of what day it is during the week. I guess that I was always about doing errands and fun things on Saturdays for so long – it still seems that if I do something like going to dinner or a movie it must be Saturday.

Waking up at 5am every morning is still interesting. I will admit that it is getting much easier to roll over and go back to sleep for another few hours but the 5am thing is still happening. Maybe it will pass. Everyone says it will pass.

Of course, my friends look out for me. My friend Ally sent me a message several mornings ago at 7am asking if I was up and at ’em. Jerk. No, I was barely cogent, actually. She was already at work and taking on the day. Thankfully, she doesn’t do mean things like this very often. (I know where you are, Allyson!)

I’m truly out of the current. I’ve intentionally not reached out to anyone about the old work place or what has been happening. There is one side of me that would like to know but there is another side of me – and a very big, large, and adamant side – that says that I do not want to know what is going on. It’s not that I can’t do anything about it – it is just that it doesn’t matter anymore to me. It does but it doesn’t, you know?

The only thing I do think about quite a bit is whether or not the good people that I used to work with are getting good jobs and finding some job satisfaction and hopefully are working out a happy future for themselves. I do like to hear details about how people are coming along with their careers. I don’t want to jinx him so I won’t call him out but one of my best friends and a former peer is lined up for an excellent job with another federal agency. I hope it works out for him.  But no jinx words here!

Reading for pleasure is something that I am enjoying much more now. I’m finding some entertainment on TV that is kind of fun. My daily devotional time is much expanded over what it used to be – this I very much am thankful to be able to do. I enjoy lunches and dinners with friends – Friday is Five Guys day with Michelle and David and their wee ones. That will be nice – truly. I like being able to visit some of my friends who are not doing too well – it’s good to be with them without any pressure of having to get on to the next appointment.

Little Matt and I took a fantastical diversion yesterday by going down to Game Vault in Fredericksburg. It had been a long time since I had been down there. Even after a few minutes of being in the shop, we were surrounded by action figures, game boards, but especially righteousness spells, undead spells, magic spells, and quite a few other spells that I didn’t recognize. The working guys there are probably not real – likely they are figments of someone’s warped fantasy mind. All around us was Warmachine, 40K, Magic, Dystopian, HeroClix, and others. What was most unsettling was the furry brown/black cat that wandered around the shop the whole time we were there. He/she/it kept nuzzling my leg. After leaving, we agreed that the cat was actually a shapeshifter and was probably some kind of dread witch – or just the store owner. We weren’t sure but it gave us the willies to think about.  How funny!

tension15Yesterday I spent time in prayer and thought in behalf of a lady and her family who are all suffering terribly from cancer and health complications that she is dealing with. Her health issues have been going on for quite a few years. I have a hard time watching it – I can empathize some with their plight and it brings great pain to me. She is strong and brave – as is her family. But it seems to be getting very hard now and I’m not sure what the coming weeks and months will bring. As I have always prayed – I pray that she and her family can find peace and understanding and be satisfied enough to leave everything else up to God. It’s a huge leap, I know. The road to brokenness is incredibly humbling and walking the road is incredibly difficult. I wish them the best and pray that God’s peace can move powerfully in their house and hearts.

I seem to be napping a great deal. Every day around 2pm I am overcome by intense weariness. I’m not going to worry about it unless it keeps happening for another month or two. I’m hoping it is tension and pain that is being released little by little every day. I don’t know. I get up refreshed and happy from the nap but it is kind of odd. I guess I am over the hill!

Conclusion

– Learn what day it is
– Pace and slightly plan
– Absorb Lent
– Be with friends for my strengthening and maybe to encourage them

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