As a follow-on to yesterday’s post, I want to share with you just a few of the cooking tips that come from Tear Soup. There are many more tips and resources about grief at Grief Watch, the purveyors of Tear Soup. The list below comes directly from the Grief Watch website. I encourage you to spend some time on their website and appreciate the good work that these people have done to help us all understand grieving and how to better survive grief – together.
If You Are The Cook
• This is your grief—no one else’s. Your friends can’t feel your loss in the same way. It will not affect their life the way it affects yours. And you may resent them for that.
• At first you may think dying would be preferable to having to go through this pain. Just try to stay alive. Sudden mood swings are normal. You may suddenly be unreasonable and short.
• Try your best to educate your friends about what you need and how they can help. Be as honest as you can be about how you are feeling.
• Don’t give up on your friends if they let you down. But if they continue to be insensitive to your grief you may need to distance yourself for a while until you get stronger.
• At first you will probably want to talk to as many people as possible, but after a month or so, find one or two people whom you can count on for the long haul to just be there and listen when you need to talk.
• Write your thoughts in a journal. It will help you to process and also to remember the new insights you are learning.
• Consider attending a support group. Go at least three times before deciding if it is helpful to you.
• Be open to counseling.
• Exercise, sleep, drink plenty of fluids, and eat a well-balanced diet.
• Pamper yourself. Take bubble baths. Get a massage.
• Try not to compare your grief with another’s. You don’t earn points for having a more painful experience than someone else has. And you won’t feel less grief if someone else’s loss is worse.
• You deserve to feel happy again. Being happy doesn’t mean you forget. Learn to be grateful for the good days.
• Don’t be too hard on yourself.
• Long after everyone else has forgotten your loss, you will continue to remember. Learn to be content with your private memories.
What do you think?
I was unprepared to grieve. After all, who thinks about preparing to grieve? We spend our time planning retirement security, raising kids, going to and from work every day, getting the best deal, and mostly trying not to think about – at all – what life will be like if we lose someone. Well, there are a lot of good reasons to live strong and hearty – we can’t live in fear and shadows, I don’t think. On the other hand, I don’t recall ever anyone saying or talking about grief – either in a secular or religious context. I guess the topic is simply too morose. Yet, we will all experience grief in our lifetimes. Some how or some way, we will all grieve the loss of someone. It is an eventuality for all of us, sadly.
Anyway, the list is a good one, I think. Maybe it has given you something to think about – we aren’t immortal nor are our families and friends, after all. So, how will you and I handle our grief?