triste ambulant – day 2

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“This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it.” John 11:4

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And fourth, I believe that the decisions that I make now will have much to do with me being able to see Regina again someday.

I miss her terribly.

Yes, I do think that who and what I am now has a tremendous impact on where and what I will be in the next life.  Whether it’s up there, over here, or somewhere, I think that I can look forward to seeing Regina again.  I believe she will be able to somehow laugh, giggle, and say ‘good grief’.  I also believe that she will be vibrantly healthy and strong – something that she never was able to fully enjoy here with us.  

No, I don’t think we will look like or act like we do now – in physical form.  But I do think that we will recognize each other somehow – in God’s mystery – and we will be able to acknowledge each other and that somehow we will have a bond of some kind.  It won’t be marriage – that is over and gone.  My marriage to Regina is now and forever a memory.  But it will be something special – none of this here has been a waste.  Whatever our future lives hold together, it will be really special, I think.

I want to see Regina with her parents.  I have always wanted to see all three of them together.  She never had parents that she could talk with about her kids and grandkids – they were gone too soon.  And I hope that they have all been able to do a lot of catching up in the past six months – she so much loved her sons and daughters and grandchildren and I’m sure she can talk non-stop about them all with her parents.  She truly lived and existed for her kids.  No question about it.  And I hope that she now is living in the presence of her parents and her memories of her offspring – she could not be happier, I am confident.

I think a lot about the decisions I make now.  I want to provide for my sons and their families.  That will not be too hard.  I also want to prepare for my next life – and I want to prepare in a good way and in a way that brings distinction to God.  I want to live the rest of my years in a way that is honest and beneficial to me but also to others.  This is my hope.

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I think that the emptiness and loss that I feel is proportionately but oppositely felt by Regina – she is now bathed in safety, reconciliation, and peace.  And I am happy about it.  And if I can gain any sense of comfort in all of this, I am comforted to think that somehow God let me live with and experience just a tiny bit of his heaven while loaning his Regina to me for a few years.  It is truly mysterious and grand to think that God would do this for me.  It is beyond my imagination.

Anyway, a final quote from one of my favorite books and author.  Victor Hugo wrote in Les Miserables the following:

“To love another person is to see the face of God.”

I have seen God.

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