Aug 12 7:48pm – For me, music is a powerful motivator and – early on – came to be one of the most powerful stirrers or calmer of emotion in my life.  I have always listened to music.  It’s not just ancillary to me but, in fact, is primary to most of what I do and who I am.

For example, I can describe my growing up years by the music that I would listen to while driving in my car, working at the radio station, being with friends, doing homework, or being at home with headphones on listening to vinyl albums.

I still remember the music that was piped through the audio system to our beds on the submarine – when being in bed reading or getting ready for sleep I always had headphones on listening to something deep under the surface of the ocean.  I can tell you the exact music that I was listening to when underway below oceans for many, many months.

The music not only paralleled the events in my life.  It was actually something that – in my opinion – complimented what I was doing or where I was at the time.  I would search for music to make experiences fuller, more understandable, or less frightening.  Sometimes, it was there before I had arrived.  It became apart of the environment or horizon and I remember the experiences because of the music.

First jazz dance concert, the city square in Spain, nighttime in Ft. Lauderdale, the Greek restaurant in San Diego, Mangione concert in Charleston, chanters in churches in Romania, hours and hours of ambient music to and from Europe, Hendrix in Renton, thousands of voices at Winterfest, Grateful Dead in Lewiston, The Cure in Washington DC, Psychedelic Furs at the 9:30 Club, The Messiah at Kennedy Center, jazz club in Vail, Kate Bush and ELO on the submarine, Phish in Norfolk, fusion in Frankfurt, musicals on Broadway, Spacemusic from Rotterdam, themes from movies, Hasidic singers in Brooklyn, classical in the city center of Constanta directed by Radu, ambient sounds from Sydney, KSAN-FM in San Francisco, and hours and hours of ambient and fusion electronic during commutes.

Many of these events and times were with Regina.  Sometimes the music reminds me of times when we were happy and things were going along really well.  Sometimes the music reminds me of when things weren’t going along so well – arguments, concerns, stress, pain.  Regardless, music was almost always apart of the event.

For the past few months, I have been about my business until I would hear something – and tears and emotion would run rampant.  Today, for example.  Several times.  A song at church reminded me of the time Regina and I sat down and listened to a CD cut over and over to learn the song so we could teach it to others.  When I heard it the first time on the CD years ago, the melody and lyrics brought tears to my eyes.  It still does – but now for many more reasons.

I randomly was playing some ambient in the car today by myself.  A cut came on that reminded me of sitting in a family waiting area at a hospital a few years ago.  I could see the room, feel the feel, sense the anxiety.  And I hurt from it.

And finally, I was watching some of the Olympic closing ceremonies this evening.  One performer in particular was one Regina and I would often listen to together – and the song that was performed in the closing ceremony was one we had as a favorite.  

Is there so much hate for the ones we love? 
Tell me, we both matter, don’t we? 
You, it’s you and me. 
It’s you and me won’t be unhappy. 
And if I only could, 
I’d make a deal with God, 
And I’d get him to swap our places, 
Be running up that road, 
Be running up that hill, 
Be running up that building, 
Say, if I only could, oh…

After hearing this, I hurt for awhile.

I love music – always have.  It is as much apart of my being as are visuals, memories, feelings, emotions.  And just like someone asking about Regina now or like if I see a picture of Regina now – hearing some music or a refrain or a set of lyrics or chords can bring back powerful and emotional memories of our time together.  

And I will never trade for the music that we experienced together over the years.

I’m floating in the blimp a lot
Swimming weightless in the womb
Bouncing gently round the room
In a minute I’ll be free
And we’ll be splashing in the sea
I feel no curiosity
I see the path ahead of me
In a minute I’ll be free
And we’ll be splashing in the sea
We hear a tiny cry
As the ship goes sliding by


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