Jul 13 6:31am – One of two cars gets its state inspection today – along with a scheduled oil change and some maintenance.  Lunch at noon with a friend.  I successfully and finally filled out an insurance claim form for the trip that Regina and I could not take back in May.  We had never bought travel insurance before – except for travel overseas.  Why was this the first time?  Anyway, we had planned to travel to Portland OR to see Zak graduate from seminary and to spend some time with Kathy and the kids – and cool off in the un-world of Portland.  Not to be – Regina was in a hospital bed on the day that Zak graduated.  She was at Potomac Hospital getting ready to be transported to WHC for who knew what back then?  Anyway, filling out the paperwork took all afternoon – the insurance company needed to know bits of personal detail, needed copies of credit card receipts, required a letter from Regina’s admitting and attending physician.  I told a friend later on the phone that I could work on it for a few minutes then would have to step away.  What is this demon I have in me?  It raises its head often and whenever – it was almost impossible to fill out the claim form in behalf of Regina.  So many memories flood back.  A trip we couldn’t take together.  Receipts for things we had seen, done, and purchased together.  Filling out a physician form with cause of death, reasons for not traveling, etc.  It just kept firing at me firing firing firing.  But I finished – somehow.  The package sits on the table across the room waiting to be put in the mailbox.  I suppose it isn’t over yet until I hear final disposition from the insurance company but that is one big item I can mark off the list.  That was hard.  And I also cancelled one of the two XM accounts I hold – the one for the XM radio in Regina’s green car.  She loved that radio.  Every time I had chance to get in her car, it was set on a different station – I guess she just hopped around listening to whatever depending on her mood.  The radio was several generations old – she never wanted a new one because she said she would have to learn something new and she didn’t want to do that.  So, the XM radio account called ‘Regina’s Car’ is closed now.  Another small step, I suppose.  I opted to take one more week off from work.  I now plan to go back on Jul 23.  I still need to get one car in the garage next week, I have the septic people coming to pump out the tank next week (thanks, Stafford County), and I have an appointment with Social Security for a final follow-up relating to the cessation of Regina’s benefits – they have a formal interview process that needs to be done.  But maybe the better news – I have a Bogart marathon scheduled for an afternoon with a friend next week.  I picked ‘Casablanca’ and ‘The African Queen’ as my two picks – he will pick two others.  I hope this works out – my first time out for a small bit of entertainment.  I think I have finished reading my last grief book for awhile.  I’m in the mood to read something else now.  My reading has sustained me greatly over the past month or so – I will provide a grief reading list shortly.  Time to begin another day – with God’s help and grace.  Take a moment to tell someone you love them.  And not just people you like – love your enemies, too.  In this season of partisan rancor, what better time is there than to try to mediate de-conflict listen?  People often hurt others when, it seems, they are hurting themselves, I think.  Maybe we just need to listen-up a bit more and consider treating people the way we would like to be treated. 

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