Jul 8 3:15pm – I’m leaving the Abbey. It’s been a hard weekend for me but one that I think I needed. I’m not leaving refreshed but I am leaving with a deeper understanding of my grief and need for mourning as well as an enhanced understanding (albeit infinitesimally small in the grander scheme of things) of God and his eternity. God is so big it makes me cower in a corner. But he loves me and hurts with me. Amazing things are still to come for me in this life and the next. I’m confident of it. In the meantime, though, one day at a time and one grief spasm at a time. This past weekend, I did huge amounts of reading Scripture and excellent books on how to deal with grief. I prayed often – sometimes very intentionally and sometimes in bursts of short words and incomplete thoughts. I sat and walked and dined with my fellow silent retreatants. And I slept fitfully. I also did a great deal of writing to me and to you. All in all, some good and important steps, I think. The kind people at the Abbey who serve quietly and honestly make it a very special place – especially for me. I will be back. I love Regina and I miss her terribly – so much. God speed and care to all of you, my friends. Thanks for walking with me.